


as in love with you as I am

by sxndazed



Category: Stitchers (TV)
Genre: 1x10, F/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 13:43:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18874372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxndazed/pseuds/sxndazed
Summary: He focuses on the ache in his heart, but he has a feeling it's not from being shocked back to life. // Cameron-centric.





	as in love with you as I am

It was probably a stupid idea to begin with. Dying usually is something ill-advised, and if it were anyone else suggesting it, he would have thought _hell no_ and given them grief over it. (Yes, he's a hypocrite, but he'll do stupid things to help the people he cares about.)

He doesn't think about the fact that Kirsten will be in his head. All he can think about is trying to help because he feels so _goddamn useless_ , and what's the point if Fisher dies for someone who can't even remember something as simple as a license plate number?

So he injects himself with potassium chloride and hopes for the best.

He doesn't think about what Kirsten saw in his head during the stitch. He doesn't think about how her whole body is trying to wrap itself around him. He doesn't think about the sobs wracking through her body and the pleading in her voice when she says his name. He doesn't think about how everything seems to have changed in a matter of minutes.

* * *

 Well, he doesn't think about it then.

He focuses on being alive, on cheating death, and the sheer joy in her eyes when she notices he's awake. He focuses on the guilt he feels when she tells him she didn't see anything. He focuses on the ache in his heart, but he has a feeling it's not from being shocked back to life.

When he gets over the whole "I was dead, but now I'm not" thing, he starts to think about the implications of Kirsten seeing his memories.

He's not stupid. He knows he can be a little dumb sometimes, but he's pretty aware of where his head's been at lately. He knows he's been thinking about Kirsten since the moment they met, thinking about that kiss they had and how she constantly surprises him and keeps him on his toes. He thinks about how he wishes he could run his hands through her hair and hold her close to him, especially with how intense the stitches are. He thinks about how she's become _his person_ in such a short period of time.

It's not like he doesn't have friends. He gets out enough. He's known Linus for a while and they're friends, but no one has ever gotten past his walls as quickly as Kirsten. Maybe it's her take-no-shit attitude, or the fact that they have to trust each other with the job they have.

Maybe it's because he feels this inexplicable pull towards her. He wants to know what she's thinking, what she's going to do. He wants to listen to her talk, to be around because he knows not many people usually stick around her in her life. He wants to make sure she can trust him, trust him with her life and with everything that happens because he knows he won't let anything happen to her. He _can't_ let anything happen to her. She's the reason all of this is worth it.

Kirsten is the life and soul of the program, but she's also the reason he loves coming to work. Sure, he gets to help people. But he also gets to see the determination on her face when she's trying solve the case. He gets to see the tension seep out of her when they're finished, and he gets to know that at the end of the day, they can help each other get through anything.

He's pretty sure she knows. He catches her looking at him, her eyes lingering when she thinks he can't see. He sees how she hesitates to say something, and then backs out of it seconds later.

At this point, he's certain she saw herself all over his memories. She probably felt the emotions he has attached to them, and there's no way she didn't because he _knows_ how much emotion is behind them. He's been trying to stop himself from feeling all of it, but he's never been very good at stopping himself from doing things he shouldn't be doing.

He won't bring it up though. Not yet at least. He just came back from the dead (that never stops sounding cool), and there's a lot happening so he's content to let it sit in the backseat for now. He's cool with doing field work with Kirsten, with piloting stitches, and helping out when he can. He's cool with looking over and seeing Kirsten look back at him with a small smile on her lips. Yeah, he's cool with that.

So dying is a pretty stupid idea, but Cameron isn't stupid. He knows he's already halfway in love with her (maybe even all the way), but he'll save that for another day. He'll take what he can get, and if that means being there for Kirsten and earning her trust, then he'll take it all.

 


End file.
